Truth is, yeah, I could’ve handled a lot of things that were thrown at me better.. but you fucking lied every step of the way. You sat there and lied to me and told me that everything was gonna be okay. You watched me cry and sob and beg for everything to be okay and at the end of the day you were still okay hurting me… over and over and over again. We were driving in Orlando and On The Run by Dance Gavin Dance came on and I couldn’t hold the tears in. I knew you were slipping away but for some reason you held my hand, wiped my tears, and lied to me. Something in you really said that was the right thing to do. We sat in your bed and I offered to break up with you.. sure I didn’t mean it or want it but I said it. You lied again and kissed me and told me it was gonna be okay and we were gonna make it work. Yes, I can 1000% admit I shouldn’t have hacked your accounts.. but there shouldn’t have been anything for me to find. You shouldn’t have been flirting, looking at her nudes, encouraging her to write crazy fanfiction styled paragraphs, texting her on our vacation, telling her she was hotter than me and it was hot of her to make fun of me, saying you wanted to take her on dates and grab her ass when people looked at her…. I put up with so much because I truly thought and honestly still believe you are indeed my soul mate. But fuck, no one should really have to go through all of this. I shouldn’t have had to beg for you to pay attention to me just for two days even. None of this was supposed to fucking happen. We were supposed to be moving in a few months and getting more cats and getting engaged and moving to our dream city and then state and getting married and reaching our career goals and growing and flourishing together. We had the world in our hands and you fucking crushed it and threw it away for someone that you know.. will not last. I know it with certainty that you don’t and you won’t look at her and see forever. We were forever. We had it. We had each other… and I’m so fucking mad at you for ruining things.

i miss the beginning of us so bad.. we were so happy and pure and good. i hear certain songs and i rmbr the better times and it hurts so much

maybe i’m destined to be alone. all we do is argue and all i do is cry. this relationship isn’t what it used to be. i don’t feel the love i used to.

it doesn’t even feel like i have a girlfriend anymore most days

you just see me as some sad pathetic being that you can push in whatever direction you want.. idk how much longer i can do that. i think i’m being manipulated but maybe i’m just too dumb to be sure.

sometimes i wish we never met bc i think maybe i would’ve killed myself last summer if we hadn’t and i wish i had

i think i might be afraid of one day becoming the ex you hate so much that you and your new girlfriend make fun of.